Accepting the Battle Written by Kristy Cunningham (mother of a warrior of cancer) 2002 Have you ever wondered how it is that life sneaks up when you aren't looking. That no matter how structured your life becomes, and although you assume that you know what's coming, tomorrow is promised to no one. Joshua Gagne You get up, and get that coffee, you spend the most average day doing all the same things that you have done every day for years and yet before the sun drops from the sky this day, your life is forever changed. The things that have always been will never be again, the emotions that you have experienced one at a time at varying degrees in your lifetime attack your very heart and soul and begin to choke your beliefs. Your blind, your deaf and mute. Nothing matters and yet everything is life and death at the same time. You weep, you rage, your physically ill, your understand nothing but the one piece of information you never wanted to. It is the realization that this place, this day is the unveiling of the evil that has crept into your mind over the years, brought on by a newspaper article, or story from a friend or simply the "what ifs" inside what we believe to be the unrealistic worry of our own parental instinct. But there it is, your worst fear falling from the lips of a stranger, that here today , you have been drafted, called to lead your child on a battle for their life. The irony of this is that at this very exact moment you are fallen, the simple declaration of this war has stripped you of all your strength, you are already defeated….until, you realize you have survived , if by merely breathing in and out you are here and you are being lead to your child, and with only the smell of his skin, and the shimmer of his eyes you are ready. You find unlimited strength within yourself and accept the fact that this battle has not requested your presence but demanded it, and you will prepare to fight. April 23, 2003 - All is well here, Joshua is doing great and been to school nearly every day since X-mas. We're on the down hill strech now as far as his treatment, less than one year left! January 15, 2004 marks then end of all the chemo. December 30, 2004 - Hi Joshua! I hope you had a great Christmas and i want to wish you and your family a very Happy and healthy new year. If you can i would like to hear how you are getting on. My grandson was back in Sick Kids over Christmas but he was allowed home today and hopefully he will keep on getting better and better. God Bless You October 23, 2003 - Hello Joshua. Since i first read about you on heartlinks i have been checking up on you daily and praying for your complete recovery. I do hope you are making real progress with your illness and that you continue to keep that beautiful smile on your face, don't you feel a lot better when you are smiling? i know i do. I would like from time to time to hear how you are getting on so,if you have anyone who could put it on heartlinks i know i would be really glad to hear about you I will continue to keep you in my heartlink. God Bless You October 13, 2003 - Hi Joshua! I was feeling a little bit low today as you see it is Thanksgiving Day and we have some family who isnt with us today so I went on to your heartlink and you know what? I just saw your beautiful smile and I feel so lifted and happier for having seen it. I will pray that when your year of chemo is over in January that that will be the day that you will have a new start on a very happy and healthy life. I will never forget the day I found you on heartlinks. God Bless You June 8, 2003 - Hi Joshua! I was just looking at your picture and your smile has made me smile...funny how they can be contagious even in a photo. I bet you make Mommy and Daddy smile a lot. You look like you'd enjoy things like fishing and camping so how glad are you that school is almost over I wonder. Do you have any pets? Favourite food? Maybe we'll get to meet one day soon and you can tell me all about yourself. Until then, keep on smiling! Cher I'm glad your in my dash----- I read of a man who stood to speak At the funeral of a friend He referred to the dates on her tombstone From the beginning-----to the end. He noted that first came her date of birth And spoke the following date with tears But he said what mattered most of all Was the dash between those years. (1934-1998) For that dash represents all the time That she spent alive on earth…. And now only those who loved her Know what that little line is worth. For it matters not, how much we own; The cars…the house…the cash, What matters is how we live and love And how we spend our dash. So think about this long and hard.... Are there things you'd like to change? For you never know how much time is left, That can still be rearranged. If we could just slow down enough To consider whats true and real, And always try to understand The way other people feel. And be less quick to anger, And show appreciation more And love the people in our lives Like we've never loved before. If we treat each other with respect, And more often wear a smile.. Remembering that this special dash Might only last a while. So, when your eulogy's being read With your life's actions to rehash… Would you be proud of the things they say About how you spent your dash?